We advise our older clients to discuss their estate plans and their end of life wishes with their children, if any, or others who might step in if they need assistance in the future. This can help prevent misunderstandings and clarify expectations. It’s also helpful to review the plan on a regular basis since circumstances change and memories fade.
Taking these steps can be even more important when an older couple has children from prior marriages or relationships. Without planning, the assets of both members of the couple sometimes pass entirely to the children of the survivor of the two. There can often be difficulties when one member of the couple needs care and their children are seen as not stepping up to assist or, on the other hand, they feel cut out by the new spouse or partner.
My old friend, financial planner Al Wroblewski, recently shared the planning steps he and his wife, Maria, take to make sure everyone is on the same page and up-to-speed. Here’s what he told me:
I invented a collaborative process with two of our kids: Maria’s older daughter, Nadia and my younger son, Finn (both 48). They have durable powers of attorney for Maria and me. We meet with them twice a year and go over a report Maria and I write covering the following topics: Critical Issues; Death, Dying and Disability; How Did the First/Second Half of the Year Go?; Spirituality; Health; Interests; Travel Out in the World and Visits Here; Al & Maria Relationship; House; People; Money; Estate Planning. Nadia and Finn are really into it! The idea is to shift control over to them little by little. And to keep them well informed (using a Google Drive to archive our documents) so if/when we need their help they’re already up to speed.
Meeting twice a year may be a bit much for most people and Al and Maria may be fortunate in having children ready and willing to take part in the process in such depth, but many families may be able to incorporate an annual planning and update meeting into their schedules. It can be a good venue for discussing topics for which there may never seem to be an appropriate time and place.
Annual Meeting Topics
I also like Al’s list of topics, with the possible elimination of discussion of his and Maria’s relationship — most children would likely be squeamish about discussing their parents’ relationship. So, with some revisions, here’s my list of topics for the annual meeting:
- Check in, how’s everyone doing?
- Finances
- Health
- Home, whether maintenance of a house or consideration of a move
- Care needs, now or in the future
- Travel
- Estate plan review
- End of life decisions
- Other interests
- Other issues
Al and Maria’s use of a shared Google Drive also makes a lot of sense so that everyone can have access to estate planning and other important documents.
Al offered to talk with anyone who may want to explore his system of maintaining their plan and keeping everyone on board. You can reach him by email at: al@alwroblewski.com.